Alligators on a Party Barge

blech

I keep trying to write something meaningful and pithy on the demise of Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock's mariage, but I've been distracted by a recipe for the Most Disgusting Cocktail Ever.

Horseradish Pomegranate Margarita.

The first problem I see is that making a single drink requires 24 hours "infusing" time. Second problem is that making a single drink requires five minutes "mixing" time. The third problem is making this drink involves mixing horseradish, tequila, pomegranate, and super-sweet organgy liquor.

Now, I make the worst martinis in the world. Seriously, I do. That's why I always order them when I'm out. I lack the necessary skills to meld gin, vermouth and olives into something drinkable. I can brine a goddamn 24-lb. turkey and grow my own hydroponic chard, but I lack the touch for making cocktails. Therefore, I appreciate the professional technique required, and I willingly fork over horrifying sums of money to have someone qualified make my martinis.

This recipe should never have been shared with the general population, y'all. This recipe is dangerous in the wrong hands. This recipe could cause blindness, fer crying out loud.

Here's to all the bartenders who will see us and our dumbass "you know what would taste good? Scotch, Diet Coke, and mustard!" selves through this holiday season.

posted by Bailey, yo @ Tuesday, December 05, 2006