Friday, November 10, 2006

MEMO to People Who Stink*

To: Whomever Patchoulied up the Elevator AND B.O. Guy on the Metro

If you insist on wearing a perfume fragrance that smells like dirt, please do not immediately enter an enclosed space, such as an elevator, immediately after application. Take the stairs instead or wait awhile, until the cloud of hippie spray disperses.

Amazingly, you were even no longer present in said elevator; you may even had disembarked long ago. But the evidence of you being there still remained. Is it a cry for recognition you seek? A desire for a lasting legacy? For there are other ways to gain such.

There's even ways to achieve a legacy will be held in high regard. For instance, why don't you try a tea rose? What a pleasant smell. The elevator riders after you will be transported in spirit to an English garden, where they dine on crumpets and cucumber finger sandwiches, whilst twirling their parasols. 'Tis lovely.

Instead, with the patchouli wearing, your fellow riders are relegated to checking the bottom of their shoes, wondering who was the culprit who stepped in something. Think about it. Do you really want to be THAT girl?

Finally, guy on the Metro with the B.O.: I know you can't do anything about it. I get it. You're athletic. But please don't sit next to anyone until you've showered.

* Not directed at you, Mr. Vice President Cheney. Stop being so sensitive. Also, don't shoot me.


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