Friday, July 21, 2006

Baking is a science

Britney, yo and I went to pick up Mr. Bailey's birthday cake this afternoon from the ice cream shop around the corner. Mr. B had already been festivated at his office with a traditional sheet cake, so I was enjoying my amazing sense of forethought in selecting an ice cream cake for his at-home celebration.

Britney quickly deflated my sense of superiority. She said, "don't you have a bakery near your house where you usually order all celebratory cakes?"

"Yes, the Rolling Pin. But they don't take cake orders over the phone. You have to physically go to the store at least 24 hours in advance of your cake needs and pay at least 50% up front. It's a damned inconvenience for those of us without any sense of organization."

"Sheesh, you'd think they'd be interested in getting as much business as possible, and that someone would learn how to take credit card numbers over the phone."

"Not the Rolling Pin. It's PG county's version of the Soup Nazi."

"No pastries for you!?"

"Exactly. You best KNOW what you want when you're number comes up or it's your turn at the counter. The counter staff has no patience with your feeble indecisiveness. You are standing in the way of progress, bitch. Oh, and they hate children, too."

"What!"

"Mmm-hmm. Rolling Pin hates you and your babies. They've got signs all over the place: Keep your children off the counter. Don't let your kids press their noses and fingers on the display case. Get your kid out of the pie freezer. Keep your children on a leash at all time. You know what, just take the damn kid out of here and never come back, ever."

"Damn, that's harsh. Why go there?"

"Because they make some damn fine cruellers. Which brings up another thing -- Rolling Pins isn't open on Sundays any more."

"Isn't that when the vast majority of all doughnuts are consumed?"

"Exactly -- church folk, and their coffee social hour. But Rolling Pin don't need no stinking, piddly church orders. Damn Christians can just pick up their doughnuts a day early and pray they stay fresh til the following morning."

"So Rolling Pin hates Christians and babies and customers in general."

"Yeah, pretty much."

"You're going there Saturday morning, aren't you?"

"Sure. We've got a potluck at the neighbor's that night, and I said I'd bring pie."


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