Friday, January 05, 2007

Life Lessons, Parts 2 and 3 (The Vacation Edition)


2. Always check yours and your travel companion's luggage tags after hefting them from the belt at the airport, otherwise you'll open your luggage upon arrival at your hotel--after taking a 45 minute cab ride--and find an old lady style bathing cap complete with rubbery flowers, perfectly packed among caftans, all of which are definitely NOT YOURS. And then you have to spend $85, and hitch a ride from another driver who doesn't mind working on a holiday to cart you all the way back to near the airport, just so you can get Mrs. Mortimer Hudson her muu muus back. And realize, Mrs. Hudson really likes taking cruises, so you're really lucky that she wasn't already doing the bunny hop on the Lido Deck, somewhere en route to Bermuda.

3. If you are traveling to a foreign country on a holiday, say Christmas Eve, make sure that you'll have available dining options. Even if you've been to a certain resort before, it could be possible that something completely crazy happened. For example, say there was a huge dispute with union workers, causing a major hotel brand to up and abandon ship, followed by said union workers storming the property, smashing slot machines and tearing out electrical wiring.

Then you unknowingly arrive, some 6 months later to spend a much needed relaxing and rejuvenating week at an adjoining time share hotel, which has--due to the time share setup-- kitchenettes in each room, not restaurants on the property. And remember that in this fictional "what if" scenario, it's Christmas Eve, meaning in this 85% Catholic nation everything (including stores and restaurants) will be closed today, and tomorrow, and possibly thereafter. You may soon start to feel like you've been shipwrecked.

But then, luckily, you may find out that not everything was abandoned in the hotel next door. There is one restaurant! And one bar serving tropical rum-based cocktails*! The vacay would be saved!

So later that night, you would set out, to try the only option available to you. Perhaps it would be a Chinese/Japanese spot called the Zen Garden, which not only serves sushi and General Tso's chicken, but also has a hibachi. But to get to the Z.G., you'll have to wander through the dark, humid hallways of the hotel, with flickering lights and all, feeling like you've been implanted into The Shining. And you won't be grateful when you happen upon the lonely bartender in the aforementioned lounge. You'll just be freaked the freak out.


*another reason to support the AOAPB Year of Rum

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