Thursday, November 09, 2006

Appropriate for Ages 3-9?

We don’t get into a lot of political or social issues here on the party barge because, well, what would be the fun in that?

However, occasionally we must break our self-imposed code of silence to point out examples of asshattedness that have invaded our bubble. To wit: the Barbie Hot Tub Party Bus™.

Now, we’re not taking exception with the obvious thievery of our “Party INSERT VEHICLE HERE” moniker. Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery and all. What’s got us all het up is the awkward melding of hot-tub-as-soft-core-porn-confessional and what is ostensibly a toy RV. Throw in Barbie, the controversy lightning rod that she is, and you’ve got the perfect bit of pop culture flotsam that gits our dander all up.

Veronica, yo first spotted the Barbie Hot Tub Party Bus™ on a shopping binge with her young nieces. She double-took in the toy aisle, called her sister over to confirm what she was seeing, and made the only logical conclusion possible: this toy was obviously designed by a man.

It’s well known on the party barge that I am the most militant when it comes to devising elaborate conspiracy theories about women’s subtle, yet crippling oppression under a white, male patriarchy. But none of us like to find ourselves on the same side as “won’t someone think of the children” conservative wingnuts and feminazis. And dammit, that’s exactly where the Barbie Hot Tub Party Bus has™ unwittingly steered our party barge.

So, in conclusion, the Barbie Hot Tub Party Bus™ has severely harshed our buzz. We’re as pissed about that as we are about the very existence of the Barbie Hot Tub Party Bus™.

Of course, there are probably some of you out there that think that Barbie, Midge, and DeeDee should have a place to host their bachelorette parties or star in their own episodes of Elimidate or whatever.

But please, do think of Skipper and the influence her older sister surely has on her. For all we need is a Skipper rebellion, where she takes her 14-year-old self on a meth binge, steals the party bus, and gets it on in a threesome with her sister’s much older boyfriend Ken and former surfer boyfriend Blaine in the aforementioned hot tub. We just can’t let this kind of thing happen.


At 5:06 PM, Blogger Britney, yo said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 5:13 PM, Blogger Britney, yo said...

I remember back when I was still prime Barbie-age, the big scandal was "Big Sister Barbie." She had a little plastic baby that came with her...but Ken was "Sold Separately!!!" Gasp! Now granted, she was marketed as the child's "big sister." But all the PTA moms knew what was up. She was an 11 1/2 inch, 34 D, plastic Hester Prynne. At that time everyone seemed to think we were only one "Babysitter Skipper" doll away from seeing Courtney on the pole. I can't even IMAGINE how we would have handled this "hot tub party bus" back then...And where was Ken all this time? That's what I'd likes to know!


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